Zoe. What are you doing? Zoe. STAHP.

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Dearest unborn progeny, please do not huddle up against your gestation pod’s intestines and/or spine.  The pod is, in fact, a human being, and she finds that position to be the opposite of comfortable.

Please also note that my uterus is not a Chuck E. Cheese ball pit.  I know you don’t know what those are yet.  I promise I will introduce you to them in all their be-germed glory just as soon as you exit and are able to navigate the universe on foot.

…er, the ball pit.  After re-reading this paragraph, it occurs to me that you don’t know what a uterus is, either, but I meant the ball pit.  It wouldn’t make sense for me to introduce you to another uterus.

Much love, your future mother.